I dont feel "on fire" as much these days....I feel more and more complacent again....I am not giving up on christ by any means ....but in the last days I hav efound life to be so busy that I have yet to even have any time with my wife let alone spend time in the word.....It didnt hit me until last night when carl spoke about falling in love with god....he said he hopes we all find that special feeling we get when we first fall for someone and everything else fades away...but toward GOD....that hit me harder than I think he intended it to be.....see at first I was like...wow...I really dont have that going on right now...maybe I need to rekindle the flame already!?! That was a shocking thing to realize to say the least...the other part of me got scared....
One of my biggest hangups about christianity is the idea of loving someone or something more than my wife.....I canhonestly say to anyone who asks there is not a person alive I have ever loved more....Without Anna I would not be the man I am today....and I know this for a fact!.....Anna makes me want to be a better man, better husband, better father, better person in general....and without her I owuld have no resaon to even try for these things.....so to say I need to have relationship with GOD that is more important that that of my marriage frightens me.....I have not yet learned how to love him greater than anything else......that is a part of my walk I always have struggled with....I try to put him first in the things I do everyday....sadly not in everything yet but im working on it....I just dont know how to turn my heart to him first.....a part of me doesn't want to love him more than her......she means soooooooooo much to me I just want her to be my everything and she has held that spot for so long now I am not sure if I know how to share it.... thats one of my problems to get through I guess....
At any rate I do hope all of you find in GOD everything you haven't found in the world... I may struggle with his ranking in my heart but the important thing to me right now is that he is there...and he is working on me...and hopefully he will make my heart the way things are supposed to be.......I have faith that he will make me what he needs me to be. Its very strange to feel right about something yet still feel convicted and have no Idea how to fix what you know to be wrong but don't feel is wrong....paging doctor freud lol.... I hope you people reading this have a more clear view of where GOD stands in your life.....if not...i suggest you check out church this week.....
On that note I took a close friend to church with me last night .....before church she told me she didnt need saving but odly enough at the end of the night she found herself shedding tears and askig for forgiveness......then had the guts to stand up and walk down for the alter call all on her own...in front of litterally hundreds of people....maybe a thousand or more....it was awsome! I couldnt have been more proud.....its amazing what GOD will do if you just give him the smallest opening .......
well as usual.... I hope this helps someone :-)
Pop Warner
16 years ago
Posts
2 comments:
ok........this one is tricky, for me as well...here goes, it is hard for me to imagine loving anything more than I love my children........but the reality is, I wouldnt have my children if it were not for Jesus.....and you would not have Anna either.....that is reason enough to love him.....he provides everything in our lives......and as with Anna, if you spent half your life working on getting to know him and his love for you you would feel the love grow. I am so happy for you and Anna, you have what many spend their lives trying to experience....and some never do!...Time will develop this for you......just like your marriage..the more you work on it the more reasons you have to love her more.....dont put anymore pressure on yourself than is required, it will happen if you truely want it.....and I believe you do, or you wouldnt be seeking at all. Jesus has so many wonderful things for you David, realizing this kind of love is awesome! Put your maker first, as that is where he wants to be, and when we are in his will, there are many blessings to come. Hope this helps?........love ya! mom
I know this struggle all too well! I asked Jim Occonner during our marriage counseling how I was supposed to be 100% given over to my wife, but love the Lord with ALL my heart soul mind and strength at the same time...He said the most freeing thing...
Jim also struggeled with this early on with Pam, and while he was praying about it one day, the Holy Spirit whispered to him, "By loving her, you're loving Me."
=)
Hope that helps
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