Can it really be done?

first let me say sorry for no post yesterday.....power was out and by the time we got it back I was just too frustrated to do anything.....

OK..I have heard many many many peoples opinions on tithing and and have never really gave what I should....I will throw a few bucks in here and there bu never sat down and looked at what I can afford to give and then done it....until now.....I was going over our budget with my wife the other night and we figured out what we SHOULD be giving....so we have decided to do so but here is the catch....we are going to need close to 8,000$ to move to Houston in June and with everything we have been doing to get out of debt, plus b-days and Christmas as well as current bills etc...we have 0$ in savings....we need to save roughly 1,500 a month (plus our tax return and some cash we had set aside for other things that we are now diverting to the moving fund) in order to make it....

So you see what I'm getting at here.....I am giving money to the church when I should be saving every penny I earn in order to make my goal.....so why am I doing this? well 1 its what the bible says I should do....and 2 I have faith that if we are supposed to be there GOD will get us there....and 3 this is going to make for a great testimony...I mean if I am giving 10% or better to church and I still get to where I feel we should be going....how can anyone refute that story....I am putting faith in the fact that the lord wants me there and that he will open a door for us to be able to do it.....If that doesn't happen....well life will get a bit hectic for a while since almost all of my eggs are in this basket but I feel like this is a great chance for GOD to show me, my family, and any who are paying attention that he does provide all we need to do is trust in him.....I will revisit this at least once a week to let everyone know how its going....I'm looking forward to watching great things happen.

HONESTY...

I dont feel "on fire" as much these days....I feel more and more complacent again....I am not giving up on christ by any means ....but in the last days I hav efound life to be so busy that I have yet to even have any time with my wife let alone spend time in the word.....It didnt hit me until last night when carl spoke about falling in love with god....he said he hopes we all find that special feeling we get when we first fall for someone and everything else fades away...but toward GOD....that hit me harder than I think he intended it to be.....see at first I was like...wow...I really dont have that going on right now...maybe I need to rekindle the flame already!?! That was a shocking thing to realize to say the least...the other part of me got scared....

One of my biggest hangups about christianity is the idea of loving someone or something more than my wife.....I canhonestly say to anyone who asks there is not a person alive I have ever loved more....Without Anna I would not be the man I am today....and I know this for a fact!.....Anna makes me want to be a better man, better husband, better father, better person in general....and without her I owuld have no resaon to even try for these things.....so to say I need to have relationship with GOD that is more important that that of my marriage frightens me.....I have not yet learned how to love him greater than anything else......that is a part of my walk I always have struggled with....I try to put him first in the things I do everyday....sadly not in everything yet but im working on it....I just dont know how to turn my heart to him first.....a part of me doesn't want to love him more than her......she means soooooooooo much to me I just want her to be my everything and she has held that spot for so long now I am not sure if I know how to share it.... thats one of my problems to get through I guess....

At any rate I do hope all of you find in GOD everything you haven't found in the world... I may struggle with his ranking in my heart but the important thing to me right now is that he is there...and he is working on me...and hopefully he will make my heart the way things are supposed to be.......I have faith that he will make me what he needs me to be. Its very strange to feel right about something yet still feel convicted and have no Idea how to fix what you know to be wrong but don't feel is wrong....paging doctor freud lol.... I hope you people reading this have a more clear view of where GOD stands in your life.....if not...i suggest you check out church this week.....
On that note I took a close friend to church with me last night .....before church she told me she didnt need saving but odly enough at the end of the night she found herself shedding tears and askig for forgiveness......then had the guts to stand up and walk down for the alter call all on her own...in front of litterally hundreds of people....maybe a thousand or more....it was awsome! I couldnt have been more proud.....its amazing what GOD will do if you just give him the smallest opening .......

well as usual.... I hope this helps someone :-)

Save a soul night

ok so tonight at Wave church we were told to bring a friend that had yet to make a decision for christ...i invited many...got 4 responses and it looks as if only 1 will actually make it....its all good...Im not discouraged....but I really hope it goes well.....I hae never been apart of this kind of thing before ....ehre we are ASKED to bring a friend....so it looks like a good night for church....I was also contacted and invited to a cell group ....on friday the 13th...spooky....playin....seriously though it is a home bible study with people from the congregation and I am pretty sure we will be attending...as well there is a superbowl blowout going on at church this sundy...all are invited...the screens are HUGE...the food will be good...and there will be halftime games to participate in....we may do that as well....oh and this sunday we have set up a time to get to know the pastors....little things stoppin...big things poppin! I'm getting really excited about church these days and have been toying with the idea of trying for a leadership role.... not pastoring ...but talking to new commers....ushering people to seats...holding the doors...cleaning up after church....things like that.....we will see....

I have still been reading my bible ....today at linch I read some of the gospel of luke...lots of red words in that one!!!! thats a good thing. and I am slowly reading no more christian nice guys...great stuff in there .... lastnight i red some of my apologetics book....and the other day i was into the Idiots guide to the life of Jesus beliee it or not....lots of streams to take from....at any rate the knowledge is pouring in right now and my spirit is drinking like a sailor on shore leave....big things poppin.....

I do have prayer request for those of you who actally read this blog....life is putting a bit of a crunch on me right now with so many big things on the horizon....Im not stressed out and I know I will make it through....I just ask that you pray for me and the well being of my family while we take this trip through less than calm waters....Thank you in advance.

I know this entry wasn't all that informative in the way of the bible so I apologize for that ....but considder this an open invitation to join me and my family at any of the above mentioned events or at any time you wanna go to church! Hope this helps someone. :-)

Would the real Son of Man please stand up?

Ok .... I realise that I am re learning how to deal with life right now and trying to find my self spiritually speaking but it's not the first time down this road.... keeping that in mind I have tried to make this journey a bit different from what I percieve the typical walk to be ....Instead of running out and trying to convert all my friends with trick questions like "have you heard the good news?" or throwing out my secular cds in favor of only christian music....I call it the white wash.... Purity in everything right now! Instead I am taking time to read not only my bible almost everyday....I am reading material that exposes me to who jesus really was....Im trying to study him as a man...other than being the saviour of life and the ultimate champion fo rall that is good....he was also a man....100% devine and 100% man at the same time....what im interested in right now is learning about the man.....who he was ....how he carried himself....what made him happy...what pissed him off....how he showed his emotion....how he lead...how he chose his friends....

I look at pictures of jesus and think wow ....what a humble looking guy..... Honestly thats not the imression I want...nor is it the one I get when I start looking around and breaking the surface.... I have been listening to a LOT of pastors recently and paying particular attention to the things they say about Jesus and paying even closer attention to the way they tell men of thier congregation to act....often times men are being led to act a bit softer than the way Jesus would have in similar situations...atleast in my opinion. Its interesting and its honestly helpful. One of the things I heard a lot the last time I tried to give my life to the lord was that I seemed like a different person...and in some cases I was told that I seemed softer....at that time I truly believed that I had to be a softer version of who I was in order to be considdered a christian....I realise now that I was wrong. Recently I have found that it is ok to be the everyday guy that I am and that I am no less of a christian man because I hold onto my masculinity. In fact it helps me to relate to my friends and those around me who have yet to decide to give thier life to GOD...I do not want to lose the ability to connect with those people...it is vital....Jsus came here for those who were lost....and if I give up my ability to connect with those people then I have abandoned the very mission that jesus himself said he ws here for.

I encourage all of you to pick up a new book that speaks about something you think you already know and try to learn about it in a new way...the results can be life changing.
Hope this helps someone :-)

Prayer works?

in keeping with my prayer concept this week I thought I share with eveyone a time one of my prayers was answered.....

See when I was a baby christian...the first time... I made the rokie mistake of thinking that GOD just gives you whatever you ask for, so being a new christian I asked GOD for something we all need....especially if you are a newchristian....PATIENCE.....

See what I didnt know then is that GOD will give you patience but the ways he gives it to you is to put you in situations where you will learn to be more patient.... now I am not going to tell you how many traffic jams I sat in or red lights I hit when I was already running late...and for some reason my coworkers began making more mistakes at work...my boss was more irritable than normal...my wife and kids became very demanding of my time for a spell....and my football team of 5-7 year old boys seemed to be unable to learn anything for weeks on end......eventually I got what I asked for but it was a LONG road.

I guess the point of tonights post is to illustrate the fact that prayers are answered....not always in the way we would like .....but God is listening ...and he will answer.

hopethis helps someone. :P

Prayer

Am I the only one out there who is torn on praying....I know it is good to do...and GOD wants to hear from us ....but I usually feel awkward praying in front of people or even with people....I have been teling myself that practice makesperfect and that the more I do this the beter I will get at it... However that may take a lot of patience and practice...anyone out there have any tips for public prayers...like dinner blessings or what not?

Jamess 1:12

I have been away for a say or so ...sorry bout that ...life gets in the way every now and again.

so here is a verse to make up for my lost time...again....

James 1:12 (NIV)

Blessed is the man who perserveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that god has promoised to those who love him.

In my opinion this verse is there to encourage us to stick it out when times get tough....
I know that goes without saying but just think about the deeper message behind this verse....
dont just stick it out in order to get to tomorrow...do it because God has something for you at the end of the road....

This probably doesn't mean money, fame, fortune, and a life of ease.....some might tell you that ...but Those would all be WORLDLY gifts...the gifts god are going to give you are gifts that matter in other ways...I mean if you have a problem confronting people and that is the situation or hard time you are currently in...god is going to throw money at you when you stand up for your self ....he is going to give you COURAGE....a gift yo ucant buy and alot of us dont have...if its a financial problem you are having and you make it through he isn't going to say here take some more money...or be responsible for this new home....he is going to give you the KNOWLEDGE you need to get yourself out of those type of situations and hopefully the WISDOM to be able to avoid them all together.....

This may not be the thing you want but hey ...why would he give you more if you cant first be happy and thankful for what he has given you......so think about the hard times you have had in life...try to see what god has given you for making it through those situations and use the gifts he has bestowed upon you for the way they were intended to be used.

Hard Times

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you my be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I know this sounds crazy but I feel this passage is telling me that we suffer hard times because it teaches us life lessons....it says in proverbs that the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom....step two must be hard times..... nobody learns as quickly or retains as much as when they have been thrown to the wolves...it is times like those that we go in a a lump of cole....pressure is applied and we come out as diamonds.

this is not the only time GOD uses this method, its present through out the bible....the most noteable time is in the entire book of JOB but there are many , many more times ....I encourage you to open your bible and find a few of the instances, think about them and learn from how the people handle them......it will probably help you in your hard times to know that others before you have suffered and made it through ......and because of the way they handeled it you now have a guide to help you handle your hard times as well.....if thats not enough....get on your knees and pray!....Like i recently posted....all you have to do is ask...GOD wants to help but you gotta ask!.....hope this helps someone ...some how

bonus post

OK...so we just got back from Wave....tonights service was the best church going experience I have had to date...the music ROCKED and the message was so compelling I was almost moved to tears... I didn't cry but I was moved to do two things ...One I am going to a leadership meeting tomorrow night and see what that brings.....I was recently told I am a good coach and give good advice and not to let those gifts go to waste so I am taking that advice and seeing where it leads me....and two I am aking responsibility for my calling. I am going to paraphrase what carl gave us tonight ONe thing you must do in 09.....Learn how to pass the pop quizes in life.... those last minute ....oh man I wasnt expecting this things life throws at ya.....learn to deal with them and not fall off track over every little bump in the road....a tip for doing this : keep yourself full of the word of god... the other thing....take responsibility for my calling.... I dont have the gift to explain it the way carl does but in short ....just wake up and get passionate about spreading the word and taking responsibility for what goes on in our world.....go to www.wavechurch.com and get the message from tonightis awsome!!!!

Let me close with the question posed to me tonight....in 09 ...how much acess will you give GOD this year.....how much room in your life will you give him to do his work ?

think about it....then start taking responsibility for it.

The full circle of guilt...

Not too long ago (I guess about three years or so) I was going to Calvary chapel in Virginia beach. I really like the atmosphere there most of the time and on more than one occasion Paster Thomas delivered a message to me that actually brought tears to my eyes....he is truly gifted at teaching the word. I felt that newly saved fire in my life where everything had to be perfect....the right attitude....the right music....the right things on TV.....everything must go and come back new....redone in the grace of god.....you know what I'm talking about right? that time when born again Christians start throwing away all their secular music cd's and trying to "save" everyone they talk to...A good friend of mine and I jokingly refer to it as "earning Jesus points" ie... are you saved? Let me tell you the good news and save your soul.....soul saved...1 Jesus point for me!...I know ...its horribly wrong to joke that ...but I have a satire/ironic/black sense of humor sometimes. Anyway I was on fire.....until.

One day I am at work having a discussion with my cousin who also attended the church at the time. He tells me of a disagreement he is currently having with Pastor Thomas. Now this has nothing to do with me nor it my business but I listened and automatically took my cousins side....naturally.... I didn't get mad or take it out on the Pastor but I see now it was eating at me and corrupting my time at church. After hearing my cousins side, the next Sunday we went to church and I began looking around for things I thought were wrong with the church.....simple things that in no way should have kept me from continuing my time there....who was dressed up ....who wasn't who got the pastors attention and who didn't.......why does the past keep referring to me as Brians brother (he is well known through out the Calvary congregation) instead of Dave .....Then when worship time started my ears picked up the sound of an older woman's voice a row or two behind me singing louder than anyone else.....on purpose or so it seemed.....I mean...the audacity of this woman!...singing loud during worship! doesn't she know her place!

Needless to say that was the last day I attended Calvary chapel in Virginia beach...... I have since wanted to return but feel a bit ashamed honestly....I let petty things that should NEVER matter deter me from going to worship the lord....As I have stated before I have a HUGE problem with people being fake....and this incident convinced me the church was full of people who were fake ....so I would not be returning!

Well three years later I find myself sitting in Wave church with my wife ...trying to critique this new church and figure out if its where I want to be......I have tried out different services ....service times ...and even listened to different pastors.....well there is one person of influence in the church who in the last two times I have heard him speak talked only about money....as a new member trying to get to know the church this was and still is a disturbing trend for me.....but none the less I chalk it up to the fact that the last two times I have heard him speak they were on the first of the month and at the first of the year....both are times that pastors typically speak about giving to the church for obvious reasons. I have no problem with there being a sermon or two n the importance of giving to the lord and in fact agree with it.....but on this third time of seeing this man get in front of the congregation and begin to talk about how we need to "buy in" to the kingdom of heaven and we reap what we sew....and so on and so forth something inside me caused my body to make gestures of uncomfortably....folding my arms....clasping my hands ....shaking my head ...things of that sort.....I admit I was angry....I kept thinking ...Is this what Jesus would want to sit through for the third time....I think he would stand up and rebuke this man....then leave...I could be wrong but that's what I kept thinking.

Well little did I know it at the time....my wife saw every gesture...every wince of anger ...every tooth bite my tongue, and for her I became the loud singer two rows back. I can't begin to explain how convicted I felt when she told me what I had done.....even the idea of apologizing felt like to little to late.....there I sat....convicted of the same crime i once judged a church for.

Its amazing how GOD teaches us sometimes.......he didn't hit me over the head....well not physically anyway, he took his time and gave me enough rope to hang myself...... I really am humbled from this....luckily my wife still wants to go back to church...so I guess I should thank GOD for two things.
1 Teaching me about myself and about judging others.
2 thank him for giving my wife a bit more patience and wisdom than he did me (on this one anyway :P)

what to do

My apologies for not posting yesterday....when i had the time i had nothing to say.....and by the end of the day i simply just went to bed....from now on if I have nothing to say that day i will open the bible and find a random verse and post it...in other words ....when i have nothing to say i will let the LORD say it for me :P ....and to make up for yesterdays absence i will post a verse here ....hope it helps someone....


Isiah 54:8 (NIV)
"In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you" says the LORD your Redeemer.

I encourage you to open your BIBLE and determine what this means for yourself since I am by no means a pastor or an educated man when it comes to theology so I wont go into breaking down this verse or any that follow ....i will give you how i feel it applies to me o my life at the moment and maybe some brief background about who wrote it and the context it came from...take from it what you will..... hope it helps someone.

I know that Isiah is the author and it is taken from a section of the bible that speaks to the future glory of ZION so perhaps he is speaking to a place rather than a person....without doing the research I don't know for sure...but here is what I take from it today......

Since I am currently recommitting myself to the lord and attempting to recover from a serious backslide....I get this from it.......that even though the Lord is probably upset with me for turning away from him for a time....he is still there for me now....and always will be.....much like the father in the tale of the prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-32)

Gods Will

I can't tell you howmany times in life I have found myself saying is this what I am supposed to be doing with my life....or using the phrase whats meant to be will be.....it wasn' untill recently that i realised what i was really asking is ......is this in keeping with gods will?.....

I have found that if what you are soing is in gods will you won't have to ask that question.....believe it or not when you are in gods will you will see things come together of thier own accord...without much effort on your part...welll atleast in my experience anyway....

My family and I are planning a moveto Houston texas later in the year ....we currently reside in virginia so this is a HUGE move for us..... now I know some people are like so what...it's a move ...well let me tell you that with a family involved....its no easy task to move across the country...not to mention the state of todays economy....isn't exactly favorable for this type of thing.

You start to ask yourself ...is this the right decision....should i really leave my job....what about child care.... what about helath care....what about my entire comfortable lifeI have built here! It is seriously a scarry thing to do.... But what if you knew its what GOD wanted you to do...would you feel better about it?...I would...and do.

So now your saying ...HOw do you know GOD wants this for you? ...... Well the simle answer is that I have faith in that fact....but thats the cookie cutter christian answer for everything so ill give you more....how about....simple ..small things.... like I praed that god would keep my focus on texas so i would not fall short....how does he do this...I kid you not...everytime I start my car and drive around town....in the past 6 months... I have seen atleast 1 texas license plate...so what right...ok...how about that in that same time span I recently got a new coworker who just moved her from houston texas....not enough? I went on a side job to help out a friend...his sister neded some AC work done so I went over to look at her system and found out she just moved here from the exact neighborhood my wife and I were hoping to move to! still not convinced ....we found a church that we plan to attend without ever stepping foot in the are awe want to move to...in conversation a VERY good friend suggested some reading material to my wife...upon reading it ( and loving what she read) she researched the author and ...he is a pastor at a HUGE church in houston just 18 minutes from where we would like to move to....still not convinced....my half sister recently got married to a man who calls that same area of texas home and they plan on moving hback there when he is done with his military career.....

there are so many more things .....friends falling off in order to stream line our life for the move...scripture speaking to us directly....so MANY things i cant explain them all....but I see his will at work....don't you?

Welcome

Welcome to my blog bout one mans journey to get to know the lord.
There is no real purpose for this blog other than to share my feelings and opinions as I search for the lord and attempt to change my life to better suit his desires for my life. so to start let me tell you who I am.

I am a 28 almost 29 year old husband and father of 3 children.....one is 9 (my son) and my daughters are 5 and 1 year old..... I have been faithfully and happily married for almost 10 years and together with my wife for 14 years....those doing the math at home....yes we have been together since i was 14....we are middle school sweethearts....and still going strong. I am a simple guy who enjoys simple things...time with my family ...FOOTBALL.... COACHING.....reading, conversation, you name it Ill probably at least try it.

On to the reason I started this blog..... Its hard to explain why I am doing this actually....I don't hope to gain anything from this ....i just know I want my story to be told and it seems blogging is the new way of doing it. So if your reading this know that I'm not trying to hook you into anything nor am i trying to sell or convince you of anything....I just want to keep a journal that people can read and hopefully in some way benefit from it.

My testimonial......
There is no spectacular moment in my life where god stepped into my drug and sex filled life and changed it overnight.....there was no moment where my life was threatened or I was dying and then miraculously healed....I have no single moment where I can remember hearing gods call to me and i instinctively answered it, so if that's what a real testimonial is ....sadly I don't have one.

I sat in church the other day ( I recently began attending Wave church in Va Beach) and the pastor was telling his story about how god saved him , and he said something that almost offended me....he said he always felt like a fool when he tells his story to someone and they are like ...really that's what it took for you.....I kinda always just knew ....it seemed common sense to accept Jesus as my savior.....the pastor said (jokingly i assume) he had no idea there was an easier way to accept Christ ....he figured the trials and tribulations he went through were the only way and hearing others talk of always knowing made hi feel like....DUH! there is an easier way.

I am one of those people who took the "EASIER" way..... I grew up knowing who Jesus was and why he died and from an early age I accepted that...it was "common sense" but because it was so common it almost became unimportant ....I found myself searching out other ways to feel a Divine experience since the one everyone else felt was "common" to me.....I tried to learn from buddah....meditation...zen...circular religion....anything but Christianity because...that simply wasn't working for me....finally I tried Christianity about three years ago....I was on fire for a few months...soaking up every bit of knowledge i could get my hands on...suddenly i just stopped...I found things wrong in the church I was attending and it would eat me up every time i sat in church...see i have a big problem with people being fake...in or out of church.... so it detracted me from what I was there for and in turn led me to think...why am I going I come out more angry than i go in so ill just stay home.....that in turn led to a 3 year backslide.....now here i am searching again....see I have no real turn around...its been a long constant battle and to have that called the easy way....and lets not talk about the feelings of insecurity and jealousy because god never changed me that way....I constantly question if I'm really "saved" .....